Friday, February 3, 2012

marriage class

It's been a few weeks since I last posted on our marriage class. We missed this week since Kyson had surgery but I went back and read through what we missed. 

Communication in marriage includes every thought, feeling, act, or desire shared verbally and nonverbally between husband and wife. Good communication is a manifestation of love. Good communication fosters mutual understanding and respect, reduces conflict, and increase love, unlocking the doors to highest levels of human intimacy. Every married couple can learn to communicate skillfully.

In a national study of 21,501 married couples, psychologist David H. Olson of the University of Minnesota found poor communication to be among the top 10 stumbling blocks to marital satisfaction. 
82% of the couples wished their partners would share feelings more often.
75% had difficulty asking their partner for what they wanted
72% did not feel understood
71% said their partner would not discuss issues or problems with them
67% said their partner made comments that put them down

The study also revealed that satisfying communication as the top predictor of happy marriage.

So why do we hurt the ones we love most?

Couples make the greatest progress toward improving their communication skills when they have a contrite heart and willingness to forgive and ask forgiveness. Individuals can soften their hearts regardless of what their spouses choose to do!
We need to eliminate destructive ways of talking to each other..
 Psychologist John Gottman identified four patterns of communication that often destroy marriages:
Criticism: "Attacking someone's personality or character... usually with blame."
Contempt: Insulting or demeaning the spouse; indicating by words or actions that one believes the spouse to be "stupid, disgusting, incompetent, a fool."
Defensiveness: Responding defensively to complaints, criticism, or contempt by making excuses, denying, arguing, whining, or counter-blaming rather than trying to solve the problem.
Stonewalling: Withdrawing physically or emotionally from the relationship when disagreements occur, becoming like a stone wall.
 I know I definitely need an attitude adjustment. I need to be more loving towards my husband and focus on the good rather then the bad! This post has been so negative.. Let's spice things up a bit shall we?

Ways to improve your marriage:

Showing interest in what your spouse has to say.
Being affectionate through acts of tenderness, holding hands, and expressing love.
Showing you care through small acts of thoughtfulness, occasional gifts, and telephone calls.
Showing appreciation by expressing thanks, giving compliments, and expressing pride in your spouse.
Showing concern when your spouse is troubled.
Being empathic, showing you understood and felt what their spouse was feeling.
Being accepting, letting your spouse know that they accepted and respected what he/she said, even when you disagreed with it.
Joking around and having fun together without being offensive.
Sharing joy when excited or delighted

And last but not least... Have sex! 
haha ok I added that. But let's face it, days are always better when you had sex the night before...
Or is that just me?

Moving on!

Since Valentine's Day is just around the corner lets make the days leading up to it full of love and happiness. Who knows maybe your man will be more willing to splurge on you?? Just a thought! Now let's go love our hard working men, shower them with affection and throw on the lingerie that's sitting in your drawer!



  1. Great advice for us all! So glad you guys are working it all out. :)

    PS, I have the same dress!

  2. GREAT ADVICE!!! you are such an inspiration to the rest of us that are getting married or that are married!!
    thank you.


  3. I love love love this!! Thanks for sharing some tips from your marriage class!!

  4. I looove this post! Such true and meaningful information :) Thanks for sharing :)

  5. Love hearing all of the tips and stats from your marriage class! Please keep sharing them! And I hope Kyson is doing well after his surgery!
    ♥ Kyna

  6. Omg I am saving this.
    I'm not married, but I know even after being in a long term relationship, Communication IS SO important. My boyfriend and I have been struggling with working on our communication skills.. and slowly it's getting better, but I think this post puts it into a better perspective, and really makes sense and shows really HOW important communication is!!! Love this post!

  7. Such great advice!! The class advice, and your advice!! Great blog, can't wait to read more!


Thanks for making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!! :)