Monday, September 5, 2011

are we friends?

Happy Labor Day!

This day started off so great. So why is it ending so bad? My husband and I are being civil. We're getting along and trying to act normal for Kyson's sake. We took him to the zoo today (I'll post about that tomorrow) and had a pic-nick. We've come to terms about our divorce and have been pretty good about splitting up our belongings 50/50. Except our vacuum, we did fight about that. Who fights over a vacuum??! Well when your vacuum is a $500 vacuum, its worth fighting over.. Not the point, I am completely torn over our custody agreement! Until Kyson starts pre-school when he's 4 (he'll be 4 in January 2013) we'll be splitting him 50/50. But because Dave is in the Air Force he's stuck in Texas whereas I'll be moving back home to Utah. So that means a lot of traveling for us! So we figured to be easy on our vehicles, bank accounts and us individually we would do every four months. And because Dave was deployed last year over the holidays I was generous enough to offer him to take Kyson for the first four months so they could spend it together this year. As hard as it is on me to be without Kyson, I'm trying to be fair! It's killing me inside!! My friends are dropping like flies because they think I'm abandoning Kyson.. What the?! How in the world am I abandoning him? I thought I was doing the right thing by allowing him that time with his Father. I'll be getting just as much time with him! Apparently civil divorces aren't allowed in Texas, because it turns the Mother into a monster.. Great, now I'm a monster! All this because I was trying to be generous? Doesn't seem right to me! I need some serious cheering up, advice, encouragement, and chocolate! Lots of chocolate! Am I doing the right thing? Or should I be robbing Dave of everything he's got?! We're both willing to put our feelings aside and do whats best for Kyson. I feel so discouraged, so run down, so hurt by everything! I'm so sad, I need a vacation!

11 comments:

  1. I can't even imagine what you are going through but I am SO tempted to hop on a plane and come give you a hug! From what I know of the situation it seems like you two are putting your feelings aside and doing what is best for Kyson. It seems like all too often you hear about two people who can't agree on anything and it turns out affecting their children because adults cant act like adults.

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  2. Denise, you ARE doing the right thing. If you were a "monster", this wouldn't be tearing you up so much inside. Kyson loves you and Dave, so it's important for him to get exposure to both your loves. It's simply awful that you have to divvy things up, but suddenly the material things are nothing compared to your child. I am definitely here for you, dear. Don't let anybody tell you you're not a great mom, because you are so strong for being willing and able to do this. Much love.

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  3. I agree with Paula. You definitely are doing the right thing and there are so many couples that fight and fight over custody. All it does is hurt the child and you're totally being fair. If people can't support you then they're not your real friends.

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  4. That sounds so hard, but it seems to me like you're going about it the right way. Don't listen what everyone else has to say, because really it's not anyone else's business. You do what works for you guys

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  5. Oh Denise, I'm so sorry!! I can't imagine how hard its going to be to miss him for 4 long months.. but I know that it is killing you already! That's not right of your friends.. I can't imagine gutting you through more. Noone has ANY right to judge you... so don't let them get to you. You have so many friends and family that love you and know you're doing the right thing! And most importantly Kyson is going to be so grateful to you both for giving him the time he needs with you both! And I'm here for you if you want to talk!!

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  6. I can't even imagine how hard that must be for you!! :( I don't think you are a monster at all! Completely opposite, you are allowing your boy to have time with both of his parents which is so very self less! You mist be an amazing momma! Keep lots of chocolate on hand!! ;)

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  7. I am sorry your going through this, I cant even imagine how hard this is on you! But in your heart if you know your doing the right thing regardless of what anyones opinion is than thats all that matters. At least your putting your sons feelings first, a lot of people dont do that. Keep your head up and know god always has a plan.

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  8. I know this is hard! I believe you are doing the right thing! He needs both of you, each for different reasons! God will get you through these hard times. Stand by him and he will never leave you! Hop over to my page to see a recipe that will be sure to provide you with lots of chocolate!
    Taylor

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  9. I can't imagine how hard that must be! I definitely think being civil and doing what is best for you child is the best way to go! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

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  10. I cant only imagine how hard this must be on both of you!! I do believe your taking this whole thing extremely well! I think that Kyson should spend more time with you, maybe 6 months with you, 2 with him. Idk maybe I'm being selfish but it sounds fair! heheh I hope you feel better!

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  11. Abandoning him would be not letting him have a relationship with his father. I think you guys are doing the right thing by sharing your time. People can't judge or understand if they haven't been in the situation! geeeze.

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Thanks for making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!! :)