Hey little loves! Paula aka P is the cutest, prettiest, nicest girl you will EVER know!! I love her blog and I get a little sad when she goes a day without posting something.. I swear I'm not a psycho stalker ;) She rocks my socks off!! So check out her blog and follow her, you definitely wont be sorry!
Hey, dolls- it's Paula from Life's Little Lessons (but you can call me P!). Today, I am so stoked to be guest posting here at Denise's blog. Isn't she just the sweetest, prettiest thing ever?! It's a pleasure! When I asked Denise what she might like to hear me address, she wanted my advice on how to stay happy in your marriage through ups and downs.
Well, luckily for all of you, I know all about the ups and the downs. I'll be honest, this past year was NOT the fairy tale first year of marriage, filled with honeymoon madness and undying passion. It was an outright roller coaster and despite all our trials and tribulations, I feel that we have come out on the other side as a stronger couple, with a lot more experience to bring in to our second year together as husband and wife. I'll try and keep this simple:
1) Who on Earth did I marry?!
There will most definitely be times in your marriage when you will look at your spouse and ask yourself exactly this. As single ladies and women in courtships, we don't have the
problem luxury of knowing who our significant other is behind closed doors. We don't know their dirty habits, their odd tendencies, or weird mannerisms when they are alone. We all like to imagine our men going home to a novel and hot cocoa at the end of the night, not World of Warcraft and Doritos. So it comes as no surprise that you and your hubby will butt heads when you start spending entire days and nights together. Sometimes it will be small things, and other times it will be major, fundamental discrepancies in both your morals and lifestyles. You may start to feel like the two of you disagree on everything and wonder if you really know your spouse all that well. In these times, it is important to take a step back and start to get to know one another all over again. Find out things that you didn't know (or didn't want to know) about your spouse before. Revisit the embarrassments or unflattering recollections of life B.C. (before co-habitation). Open up with one another about who you are and who you used to be- it will most likely bring out a lot of emotions... laughing and crying together is the best. It's highly important and you may find yourself falling in love with your man all over again...
"I never knew we both like wearing green!" :p
2) Tell yourself how lucky you are.
Remember the first time your hubby asked you out on a date, and you walked around feeling like the coolest girl in the whole world, thinking how everybody must be soooo jealous of you? Did you look him in the eyes and feel yourself swoon or go home and pinch yourself to make sure that really just happened; that somebody like him actually wanted somebody like you? Good. Don't forget that. Not now, not ever. Because you were lucky then and you're still lucky now. I find that I always appreciate Scott the most after I have a dream about him leaving me or telling me he doesn't love me anymore (awful, I know), because there is nothing better than waking up after a dream like that and looking over and realizing it was just that: a dream. He is still there next to me, he still loves me, and he's not going anywhere. I know he could have any other girl he wanted, but he chose ME and I am so fortunate and ecstatic that he did. Is there any higher compliment? I didn't think so. Don't feel lucky? Then he may not be the right one. And don't forget, ladies, he is a lucky man too... don't ever let him treat you otherwise.
"And I get to kiss you, baby, just because I can..."
3) Forgive (even if you can't forget).
When something goes wrong in your marriage, it is easy and understandable to get angry. It is so simple to want to walk away or go and hide somewhere. It takes no effort to retaliate or spew out hurtful words. But this goes back to the age-old adage of "take the high road". It is perfectly acceptable to take time apart to cool down and figure things out. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, be it from a church leader, therapist, or family. You can turn to all the books, blogs, and web articles you want on how to get over these kind of things. I know I've Googled "How to forgive your husband" more times than I care to admit. But no amount of reading or talking is going to take away the sting. Only God can do that. Only He is strong enough to help you feel better and move on. My only advice for forgiveness is prayer. Prayer and self-examination. Be realistic with yourself on what you can and cannot live with and think of how you would want your husband to handle things if the tables we turned. You may never find it in your mind's ability to forget, but with some faith and understanding, you may find it in your heart to forgive.
Sometimes a hug helps everyone feel better about things. :)
So those are my big three, friends! Obviously, I could spend a whole day advising women on how to carry out their marriage, but every relationship is unique and special... and quite frankly, I'm only in my 20s and don't know that much yet. ;) The most important thing to remember is that happiness starts with you and the choices you make... look after your own self and your own heart and let God tell you where to take it.
My heart went here.
That's all for today, folks! Feel free to pop on over to my blog and let me know what you all think. Thanks for reading!
Love and peace,