This next guest blogger is someone I've known for years! We've been friends since the 3rd grade!! She's writing about something extremely personal to her and not many people know much about her situation. So show her a ton of love, support and kindness. Her name is Christa and you can find her blog here.
When I read Denise's guest post I was pretty intrigued and excited about doing my own! The topic she wanted me to write about was a topic pretty personal to me and one that I haven't shared very openly with most people. But it was through reading blogs like this that helped me not to feel so alone in my journey and through sharing my story I hope to help others who might be going through a similar situation.
My husband and I started trying to have children after we had been married for a year. Once we started trying I figured within 6 months I would be pregnant and 9 months later get hold my little baby in my arms. On TV all the time you hear about someone who forgets to take their birth control for 1 day and ends up pregnant and I guess I figured that's how it should be because no one ever talked about how it could be a struggle to get pregnant for some women.
After about a year and a half of trying and hoping every month my husband and I decided we would just stop focusing on it so much and take some time for us to just enjoy being married again. In that time we were able to buy a house and go on a vacation to Disney World without the stress of trying to become pregnant. Our close family members, the only ones who knew at that time that we were trying to have children, kept telling us that once we stopped worrying it would just happen and I guess secretly that's what I was hoping would happen, but yet again, another year went by and I still wasn't pregnant.
After about 3 1/2 years my husband finally convinced me to see a fertility specialist. I had been avoiding it for the past few years because I was terrified as to what they might say. What if I would never be able to have children? What if there was something seriously wrong with me, like cancer, that was preventing me from getting pregnant? All these questions ran through my mind day after day. And let me just tell you - on the day of my appointment I was a nervous wreck! I didn't like doctors to begin with, so to have to get so personal with one was terrifying. At my appointment the doctors did a whole bunch of tests and exams, drew 8 vials of blood, and had me scheduled for some scans at the hospital to try to figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant. When all of those came back normal she started me on Clomid, which is a drug to help me ovulate.
Taking Clomid was miserable. I had HORRIBLE hot flashes, my face broke out, and I started losing my hair. Each month I would get my blood drawn to check my progesterone levels and each month they came back very low - the Clomid was not working. The doctors suggested that I take a few months off from the pills since they can start to work as birth control if they build up in your system too long. I was actually so relieved to hear those words! It was right before the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays and I was so excited to not have to worry about taking pills, getting my blood drawn on certain days, and having basically scheduled times that we could have intercourse because it had consumed my life for the better part of a year and I had become so physically and emotionally drained that I don't think I could have taken another month anyway.
I was scheduled for a follow up appointment with the doctor the following January to talk about what the next steps would be - which was basically preparing me for in-vitro, which would cost over $10,000. I actually didn't end up going to that appointment. After having a couple months off and being able to focus on my relationship with my husband instead of trying to get pregnant I realized I was so much happier and content than I had been in years.
It took a very long time for me to realize that everything happens for a reason. Life gives you struggles and hardship and it's up to you to decide what to do with them. For the longest time I was depressed and just wanted to feel sorry for myself all the time instead of taking time to realize that I had so much more than most people. I have an amazing husband who had been so supportive during the entire process, a great family and great friends who were also there when I needed them. We both know we want to have children and know it will happen, it just might have to come through procedures like in-vitro or even adoption. But it will happen eventually when the time is right.
To anyone who might be struggling with infertility, I know how hard it can be. Just know it's not something to be ashamed of and it's important to know that there are people out there who can relate. Happiness can come in times of hardship if you decide you want to be happy.
I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes: We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.