Dear blogger world,
It's time for me to come clean. To stop pretending that everything is fine and to let all my new friends what my life is and has been for quite some time now. After all, that's what friends do! I'm a little nervous that some of you may not want to be my friend anymore, some might judge me and disagree with me, and some just wont understand! I've gotten so good at hiding it and putting on a fake smile for a picture. I didn't want to believe what was happening but over the weekend my prayers were answered. I felt a peace come over me that I've never felt before, a feeling of comfort and reassurance that what I'm doing is the best thing for me. There's a time when you have to put what's best for your child aside and do what's best for you. At first that piece of advice sounded so selfish and wrong. But after days, weeks, and months it started to sound less and less selfish. There is only so much one human being can take. Too much unhappiness and heartbreak. Too much anger and depression.
The husband and I are starting Marriage Counseling this week. Our marriage has been on the rocks for quite some time now! Surprising? I know, we are good at hiding it. But I can't hide it anymore, since it was my idea for the big 'D'. A while ago I was asked if I'd rather live a life with someone I'm unhappy with or live the rest of my life alone. That question hasn't left my mind since it was asked so many weeks ago. I woke up Sunday morning knowing exactly what I wanted and what I needed to do. I need to better my life, for me. I need to focus on my relationship with the Lord. He is my rock!
When I started this blog I only had a few close friends following me, and now I have over 50. That's nothing compared to most of your blogs but it's a great feeling that so many people around the world care. I've never met most of you and some day maybe we will meet in person and become life long friends. I would love that! Friends are what I need right now. I need people who will support and love me while I go through this process. It's going to be a long, hard, stressful process! And I'm sure my blog will show it. But doesn't everyone deserve a chance at happiness? I thought so and that's what I'm trying to do for myself. Be happy!
We all need to be happy. With or without someone there by our side. For me right now, I guess it's without.
The Lord is my Rock