Dave and I have always agreed on the number of kids we want. We've always wanted three kids naturally and then to adopt a fourth. We've been talking about getting pregnant with #3 since Presley was born, I know we're crazy! I've always wanted to be a young mother and I've wanted to have my last baby by the time I turned 30. I don't know why, that's just what I've wanted since I was a kid. I'm right on schedule but I'm having a real hard time getting pregnant, emotionally. Having a baby is hard in every way. Emotionally, mentally, physically and it definitely takes it's toll on a woman's body! I've worked my booty off trying to get my body back after having Presley and I feel like I've done a really good job. It's hard for me to want to undue it all and get big with a baby again. So selfish of me! Pregnancy is not enjoyable for me. I hated both my pregnancies and dread the day morning sickness kicks in again but at the same time having another baby is such a dream of mine. There's nothing better than that first look at your precious baby fresh out of the womb! It's in-explainable and I want that again. Dave wants another baby, like now! And so do I but my fears are really weighing down on me and I just feel like I'm not ready. But I feel like I'm not ready because of said fears, not because I don't want to take on another tiny human!
Kyson fresh out of the womb
Presley fresh out of the womb.
The last couple months Dave and I have been wondering if bringing another baby into this sick, twisted world is a good idea. I mean, raising two kids with all the hate and violence is already hard and scary enough! I know there is still so much good in this world but I can't help but feel like evil is outnumbering good.
This has been weighing heavily on my mind for so long and I've spend countless hours praying about it. I'm desperate for some comfort. So my mommy friends, how do you deal with these fears and thoughts? Do you have any advice, stories, experiences, scripture verses to help me deal with this?