I'm being very brave for posting about disciplining your kids aren't I?
It's kind of like talking religion or politics.
SO this happened to me the other day and I've felt weird ever since, so I'm asking for opinions on the matter.
My son is 3 1/2. Every one has always said that the terrible two's is definitely terrible, but age three is a 1,000 times worse. I couldn't agree more!! So my son is smack dab in the middle of his three year old year at full force and it makes me want to rip my hair out!
A couple nights ago my little family went out to dinner, Kyson was acting like a perfect child until we got out of the truck and started walking to the restaurant. Out of no where my dear child whom I love so much literally threw himself on the sidewalk, started rolling around, screaming, kicking, the whole nine yards. Over what? We have no idea!
We tried talking to him. It made things worse. We threatened to spank him. It made it EVEN worse.
So what did we do? We spanked him. And right as we did, a grown man walked out of the restaurant and saw what happened. It was so humiliating but Kyson deserved it. We don't usually spank him in public but his fit was outrageous and he needed to be taught that that kind of behavior is very unacceptable.
Well after he got his little spanking, he freaked out ever more and literally started slapping Dave. So we took him back to the truck where we could have a little more privacy.
I looked up and noticed that the guy who saw us was sitting on the bumper of his car watching us like a hawk!! It was so uncomfortable and very distracting. We were not hurting our child, we were simply trying to teach him a lesson! We do not beat our child, we discipline. We don't spank hard enough to hurt him, just to get the point across that what he's doing is not ok! We have tried time out, no tv, toys etc, no dessert etc. He has outgrown these discipline actions. So we're trying spankings. So far it's worked pretty well.
Once Kyson calmed down we were able to go into the restaurant and have a nice meal. The guy sitting on his bumper didn't leave until we were inside the building. I know this because I became the creepy one and watched him leave.
Now, was that man way out of line for babysitting us while we disciplined our child?
Were we wrong for disciplining the way we did?
I've felt so weird about it ever since it happened and I feel like such a terrible Mom now.
Wait, did I miss something? His shirt says big bro?!?!?!?
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna say that guy was out of line - your parenting is no one else's business, especially not a stranger's (unless of course you were harming your child, which you weren't). I'm not a mom quite yet, but my husband and I have already discussed that spanking is something we will be using. There is a fine line between swatting your kid on the butt to let them know they did something wrong and full on beating them. I feel like society has become too soft with discipline. For heaven's sake, if you are caught spanking your child in Walmart you will be escorted out and not allowed back into the store. Give me a break. Again, I'm not a mom yet but I feel like children need to know when they've done something wrong our acted out in an inappropriate way. We were swatted on the butt growing up and I dare say my brother and I turned out quite well. We knew what behavior was and wasn't acceptable, and if we acted out we knew what the punishment was. End of story. I think you did nothing wrong and I say kudos to you for having the guts to discipline your child (especially in public)!
ReplyDeleteAt least you're attempting to teach your child some discipline - leaving a child to run riot and basically rear itself will do far more damage than a tiny smack! Don't beat yourself up, you seem like a great mum, you show nothing but love for that little lad.
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong with what you did. It's crazy that society has seemed to give up on discipline. I'm a social work student and of course we learn about abuse. I've never had a professor tell me that someone spanking their child is wrong, but you can always tell that it's one of those tricky subjects to address. I was spanked as a kid and so was my boyfriend, and we've talked about when we have kids (in the far distant future lol) and spanking them. You're right, kids can outgrown other forms of discipline. I honestly think it's really a matter of using the right disciplinary action to match the age. Obviously something like a time out or restriction from video games could work on today's average 10 year old. But your son is almost 4, and I don't see anything wrong with it. And it really depends on the kid's personality. My brother could be spanked and not even flinch, but even mention it to me and I was in tears. I think you & Dave are great parents-even better for taking Kyson to the truck in private. That's not something you see very often-but usually those people really are beating their kid in the middle of Walmart. Thanks for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteYou sound like us!! that guy was WAY out of line. I couldnt agree more that ALL children need disciplined when it is right. I know ppl frown upon spanking in public so we try to avoid it too. We tried taking toys, tv and etc and doesn't work too well. what we do now is he stands on the wall nose touching it and hands down. He is not allowed to move until we say so and until the crying fit throwing and screaming stops. If that doesnt work, he stands on a tile square in front of the tv and can not turn around. If we are in public and he does something that needs to be disciplined we address it than. We normally give a warning first such as STOP IT NOW. Next time he gets put back in the car no matter where we are. if it continues, we just skip dinner or what we are doing and go home and get something along the way & when we get home Eli goes straight to bed. If he throws his fit before dinner than he is going to dinner with no food. we figured he understands what he is doing is wrong. We've had to leave in the middle of dinner before because of a fit, that I just had to pay and leave. Also,we've tried where we make him stand right next to one of us at all times if he is throwing a fit. he isn't allowed to wonder around than and he cant stand it. Also, he knows that if he doesn't eat dinner than no ice cream/treats. Disciplining a child is really up the parents ONLY . You know him best and what works for him, than by all means you gotta do that!!! You want to teach him right from wrong and to be able to make decisions and understand that good decisions have better outcomes than bad decisions.
ReplyDeleteHang in there love!!
First, I don't have kids yet, so my opinion might be uneducated, but I totally agree with you. There was NO reason for him to watch you. Sure, it was in a public place, but that does NOT give one the excuse to gawk at two parents disciplining their child.
ReplyDeleteAs for the spanking, I know it is a heated issue, but I remember being spanked a time or two when I was little, and I'm not scarred by it whatsoever. I think it's an effective way of getting a point across. It's not like you do it for YOU, you're doing it for him. People who spank their kids and people who beat their kids are two VERY different things, and there is more than a fine line between the two. People would do well to realize that.
Can't believe he chaperoned the "incident". Not only was it out of line, but it's creepy and rude. Stupid guy. What did he think? He was saving a kid's life? People who actually abuse their children don't do it in public.
I have a 3 & 1 yr old. My oldest is going through that phase too. And honestly you had every right as your child to discipline him. Now as far as that creepy dude he can mind his own business, like you said you weren't beating him.
ReplyDeleteFirst, you are very brave and I commend you for writing this. Second, I am mostly opposed to spanking, but I've said before that when I child is old enough to understand right from wrong and deliberately disobeys their parents then I see nothing wrong with a swat on the butt. That's exactly what this case was and that really annoys me that dude was sitting there staring at you.
ReplyDeleteI understand why you feel guilty, but I think you were only trying to do the right thing. You obviously weren't doing it to be malicious or abusive in any way.
To play devil's advocate, there are a lot stories in the news about children getting horribly abused and no one doing anything about it. I think the guy was making sure he saw the whole picture before acting. I'm sure he had good intentions...he was just super creepy about it. That being said, you are totally in the right to discipline your child. I cringe when I see parents NOT disciplining their children in public.
ReplyDeleteOh girl, this kind of thing makes me SO FIRED UP! I think kids are not disciplined enough these days and when they are the poor parents have to worry about someone calling CPS on them- its crazy. I agree with the girl above that maybe he was just making sure you didnt take it too far but went about it the complete wrong way. I totally believe in spanking as long as it is used in a way to teach your kid a lesson (exactly how you stated!) and not out of anger!
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