do I contradict myself?

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
Told me you loved me
So why did you go away?

I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement
I ran off the plane
That July 9th
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms

But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

I do remember
The swing of your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in
I'm not much for dancing
But for you I did

Because I love your handshake, meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something
There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are

And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind

So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss
Forever the name on my lips

(via)

 

 

This week has been especially difficult for me to grasp. Kyson has Croup! Poor baby. But he also is almost completely potty trained and he knows the entire alphabet and sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to me....

On webcam :(

I am one proud mama but I'm dying inside being so far away from him! Dave got sick and ended up in the E.R. and a friend of ours had to watch Kyson. I should have been there to take care of my son. What am I doing? I miss him, both of them! I miss having someone there by my side, every day. I miss having someone to talk to about my day and to get hugs and kisses from. I miss being intimate and cooking dinner. I miss my job and my house. I miss my life!

So how come I can't get myself to go back to Texas?

I've been going to counseling for a few weeks now and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with it. It's really discouraging!

But at the end of the day, I miss Dave!!